Tuesday, July 7, 2009

Even More Movies I've seen in Theaters in 2009

Adventureland. Grade: B - 

I think a large draw of this movie would be nostalgia factor for people who were in their late 20's in the late 80's. At best I was 8 in the eighties and I didn't have a crappy job at a crappy amusement park were I mainly focused on getting drunk, high, and laid. In fact, I was a pretty clueless 8 year old and was only focusing on one of those things.
What can I say about Adventureland that the word "meh" doesn't already convey? It was entertaining. The comedy duo of Kristen Wiig and Bill Hader made me laugh a few times, but the rest of the movie, not so much. When it comes down to it, it's a love story. Yawn! The main guy was was nerdy and likable and the Twilight Girl is still biting her lip and banging dudes who are way to old for her...
So the fact that I don't have a lot to say about this movie says something about it. I enjoyed it at the time but it wasn't very memorable. For those of you born around 1970 this might ring a nostalgic bell. For the rest of you, it will just make you want to get high at an amusement park.
Super witty nickname: I'd Vent Her, Man!

Terminator: Salvation. Grade: B -  (Super Special Katie Grade: C -)

I loved Terminator. I really liked Terminator 2. I watched Terminator 3 all the way through. I was psyched for Terminator: Salvation. Not only does this movie address the history (future) behind the war against the machines, it brings in Christian "Bad-Ass" Bale! And you're in luck, Dear Reader, he uses his Batman voice!!! Hoorah!!!*
  So I gave you Katie's grade because she is not a fan of Terminator or robot fighting like I am so she had a much lower opinion of this movie than I did. Frankly, If you don't like big fights in post-apocalyptic settings than you could skip this, as there is not much else. The thing about the whole time-travel, John Connor messiah set-up is that it wasn't met to last four movies. Seriously, it was a cool idea for an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie in 1984 but it was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie in 1984!! Arnold is an unstoppable robot from the future sent back to kill mom of Johnny Connor only to be confronted from Kyle Reese from future who only succeeds in conceiving little Johnny. The apparent plot holes in the first movie were blissfully ignored because is was an Arnold Schwarzenegger movie in 1984!! Then sequels happened and it turns out that Terminator makes no fucking sense! This movie even actually tells you to ignore the time travel stuff and you should probably do that. Look! Explosions!


I gotta talk about some stuff that you may not want to read if you are psyched to see this movie. First of all, the dude who signs something for Cyberdyne and then is killed only to come back in the future? He's a robot! BUM BUM BUUUMMMMM!!! Not only that, but he is the single most important part of Skynet's (super artificial intelligence in charge of all machines) new awesome plan to rid the world of that pesky John Connor. It turns out to be the most needlessly complex and asinine plan ever. Honestly, Skynet, you disappoint me. You want to kill John Connor, You know he wants to find Kyle Reese. You know Kyle Reese will thwart you in the past and become John's daddy. So you're plan is to make a stealth robot who doesn't know he's a robot to befriend Kyle, get him kidnapped by you so John will come to you, using your stealth robot to help John in so you can kill him? You have John's daddy, KILL HIM! SHOOT HIM BURN HIM SQUISH HIM DROWN HIM GAS HIM STAB HIM DEPRESS HIM SO HE KILLS HIMSELF! DON'T USE HIM AS BAIT! ONCE HE IS DEAD JOHN IS DEAD! GOD!


My point is, if you don't think about it too hard, this is a fun movie. There are some neat ideas and fun scenes but the plot itself is a little weak.
Super witty nickname: I got nothing. Honestly, I'm ashamed of that I'd Vent Her business...