Sandworms!

This is a photo of a "sinkhole" in Guatemala:

The news organizations of the world report that this is a sinkhole that was revealed by the actions of a tropical storm. This is a report designed to conform with the publics general idea of how things work, and keep us all moving on our very merry way. The truth, however, is much more unsettling. Gosh darn sandworms! Now, the pure size of this hole, and the fact that it was tunneled through cement rules out the wussy desert loving Tremor worms.

Sorry Kevin, this is out of your league.

No, this hole is obviously the work of something much larger. It turns out that there is some truth to the novel Dune and mighty sandworms roam the world. These unstoppable juggernauts from below are insatiable, and could change the balance of earth as we know it. There are, however, factions who are prepared to battle, and hopefully control these beasts. Their tactic is to consume pound after pound of Spice (cinnamon) to gain characteristics of the Fremen, and learn how to tame these sandworms. So far, the only result is diabetes, but these C-Men (as they prefer to be called in reference to the cinnamon) are hopeful that diabetes is merely the first step toward total enlightenment.

He is the Kwisatz Haderach!

So for now, be vigilant of the ground you walk on. You never know what monsters lurk underneath. Also, sandworms are probably enraged by the sounds of masturbation, so you'd better just cut that out altogether. You've been warned.